The Closet

I walked into our closet last night and without premeditation, started going through her things. A hat box, a shoe box, the jewelry.

It started slow but gained momentum. I was unconscious; driven.
The clothes, the clothes, the clothes. It was creeping up, I didn’t know it.
Into every pocket of every purse, clutch, bag.
A sucker punch: her driver’s license.

I had found what I didn’t know I was looking for. Her. The crushing load of reality pinned me to the carpet. Sobbing pleads for her return fall away into space. I was weightless but paralyzed. Every molecule of my being screaming away from each other towards their own little corner of the universe. My gravity is weak. Their return is slow.

How are you?

We all do it. I do it too. Use 'how are you?' as a greeting. Which is fine usually; we're all used to it. But in some cases, like this, it's not necessarily the right thing to say. I don't mind; I'm not annoyed or put out by it. But mostly I either don't want to answer completely or you don't really want to know.

Or, maybe you do want to know. Which is why I'm starting this blog. When I feel like it, I will write about how I'm doing and maybe, if I can figure it out, how I'm putting the pieces back together.

I will not use my Facebook status for this process. I think a lot of people use Facebook for insignificant, annoying reasons other than what it is good for. I don't care if you had tacos for dinner and I really don't need to see pictures of said tacos.

How am I?
I am in the eye of a storm. A devistaing and damaging storm. I stay in the eye as much as possilbe where it's nice and calm. The real world is out there, on the other side of the storm. I stick my toe in here and there. The flying debris stings and pain shoots up my foot and through to the top of my head. That is all I know about how I am doing. I don't know what will happen to the storm; if I will get sucked in. If it will calm down. If I will make it through to the real world...but I will let you know.